We can all pretty much agree that I have had every conceivable shitty boss in the know universe, yes I know I am not alone in this respect. I have no delusions that I am the only person on earth who has had a shit ton of crap boss's and I am sure that somewhere there are even shittier boss's than my formers but come on. This is me I am talking about, I'm narcissistic without being selfish, how else could I berate myself as much as I do if I wasn't narcissistic (side note).
Now, back to our originally scheduled blog. I think I have a problem...scratch that- I know I have a problem. Let me first say, I love my job right now, I love my boss right now. But every few weeks I have this overwhelming feeling that she is annoyed with my presence, that I have done something wrong, or not done something at all, and I fucking hate it. It make me so angry, I start over thinking things, I get that feeling I'm going to be fired. I go over every little thing I think it could be, it borders on OCD. Then it switches-I didn't do anything wrong, I did everything I was supposed to do and I didn't forget anything. I wish I could say this is where it ended, but no. Then the really bad shit starts- screw it if I did, if I messed up she should tell me so I could fix it. I don't fucking care anymore. It's maddening.
Perhaps this is because I care so much, perhaps it is because she tells me she miss' me when I am on vacation or she is on set/location for a few days. Perhaps because it is not a normal employer/employee relationship. I swore after working at the real estate office I would never socially mix with my immediate boss, well I've already failed on this count. My girlfriend calls my boss "the other woman." That's weird, isn't it?
Maybe my emotional sponge is also to blame, when she feels frustrated and angry I feel frustrated and angry. When she is in a good mood, I am is a good mood. Maybe this is where my fault lies.
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