Sense Memory

Yesterday was exhausting, Grams was admitted to St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica in the early hours of Sunday morning. I of course did not hear anything about it until 6:15 Sunday night, and it gets worse. The only time in 10 years my phone has not been in an audible distance, and I don't check it until 10:30pm, and I was stuck with nothing to possibly do till Monday morning. By that time...it was 1:30 am on the East Coast-I didn't want to wake my mother, and I wasn't about to call the Hospital at that time either. So I took care of everything, Monday morning am...and went to see my Grams. I guess yesterdays events took me to today's "truth"...

In the car this morning, on my 20 minute (lovely) commute to work...I turned on K-Earth 101.1....yes I like the oldies but they also have a traffic report unlike my go to Jack FM...while I was listening to the traffic report I was transported back to the days of my youth. See, while my Grams and almost the entire rest of my family lived here in Los Angeles, my immediate family lived in our states Capitol. SACRAMENTO...ugh. My parents sent me to LA during the summer months to spend time with Grams, every morning at the butt crack Grams would get me up, get me dressed and we would make the hour long commute from her condo in Encino to Mort's Palisades Deli, where she worked with her Brother, Mort (my great uncle), as the Deli's book keeper. Every morning grams would have N.P.R playing on the radio. This morning, as I am listening to the traffic report, the 405 and 118 both backed up. I got this sense, it felt like it did on those mornings back in the late 80's. Cool, crisp, sunny...but this time, the overwhelming sense that I was safe and taken care of, was gone. It was replaced with the knowledge that nothing ever stays the same- that you in fact do get to "return the favor", that now...it's my turn.

In the Comments Section

I troll the internet looking for interesting peoplescentric stories almost everyday. Even though I know better, even though I know where it will lead, I always make my way down to the comment section to see everybody else's take.

Big Mistake...let's ignore the assholes who post ad's for "working mothers", " work at home" scams, internet porn, webcam chicks or the crazy weight-loss trends and get right to the meat of the situation.

These people are so stupid...seriously! Most of them cannot construct a simple sentence. I'm not saying I can, but at least you can read my blog and understand the point I am trying to make. I use spell check, which is way more than I can say for the crazy comment mass's.

I have to stop myself from making measly attempts to try and piss these people off. I get so much joy from thinking about what I would say to these idiots who think the are the be all end all. When they come back to reply to another dumb fuck and reinforce what an ass they are, it makes me even more crazy. They are ignorant pricks who think the bible belt is what holds up their pants. I do find it fascinating however, the way these douche bag brains work. NOM, Republican, Right Wing...Mother Fuckers. I really just want to track them down and sterilize them. But alas...I cannot. For fear or being lynched because I am a woman...and a gay woman at that.

It's always Something...

It being Monday, you already wake up with a bad taste in your mouth. I'm not talking morning breath, I'm talking Monday Morning Breath. It's bad when you already have the "ugh...I have do do this again" look out. But when you leave your house at the normal hour, and traffic ads an extra 15 min to your commute- and nothing goes according to plan you sit in that stinky Monday funk. It's 3:44pm and I am still stinky people, I can't scratch my way out. I'm not sure what it is, but that hefty feeling resides over my head like a poop filled balloon just waiting to drop.

One thing goes wrong and it's all over for me, I'm convinced I am doomed. It's the end of the world, everything begins to fall apart and I can't do anything right. I wish I could dissipate into the air like mist from a humidifier. Yet I am still here, as real as ever...dealing with it.